success =)

Mummy's fine. The op was a success. *relieved*

But I'm sick myself now. I'm quite convinced it was because I went out for karaoke right after my >40degC bath into the <10degC night. Brrr, even thinking about it makes me shiver now. Just ate Panadol and slept for a couple of hours, but am still having that stuffed-with-cotton feeling, which means the worse has yet to come. Sigh...

There's a strong wind blowing today. And it's a warm breeze too. The spring equinox won't be here for another 3 weeks, but it does feel like the season's turned already. =)

Recent events have made me question, what exactly is love? Does love for, say, a guy, feel different from the love you feel for a family member, or maybe for an inanimate thing? Let's look at the things I do know I love. OK. I love my mummy, because she loves me, and cares for me, and wants nothing but the very best for me. She's always there whenever I need her, and gives me sound advice (whether I think I need it or not), and I can talk to her about anything in this entire world. She knows me inside and out, and I can never keep any secrets from her for more than a week. Then, I love singing. If given the choice, I'd happily sing my entire life away. I used to dream of being an idol/singer on stage, not because I like being famous, but because I love to sing, and I believe that being a singer means that I can share this love with others, and influence them to love singing too. I love singing because it makes me feel free, and happy, and no matter how bad I feel, it will always cheer me up. I sing when I'm at my happiest, and also at my saddest too.

Then comes love with a guy, the most confusing of them all. Why? Because I can never tell if they really love and care for me. Some say they do, some act as if they do, but I can never be sure. I can't tell, like how I can tell with mummy. And then, they're not always there when I need them the most, they don't know me inside and out, and I can easily keep secrets from them. In all my relationships, I can safely say that none of my boyfriends has ever really known me, because I keep a part of myself apart from them. Well, being with them makes me happy, and they can easily cheer me up when I'm down, but that is something which any normal friend of mine is able to do too. And unlike singing, I want to be with them when I'm happy, but in my saddest moments, I choose to hide away.

So what is romantic love, if it's not like familial love or love for inanimate things? And more importantly, have I ever felt romantic love before? These past few days, I've really been wondering about this, and the truth is, I'm not sure. I think I have, but is that it? Then if so, why did my relationships fail then? Is it because what I felt wasn't love, or maybe it's because they were the ones who weren't in love with me? I don't know, and I guess I never will, now that all the relationships are dead and gone.

Don't worry, I'm not depressed or anything. I've just been thinking really hard, that's all.

Stuffed-with-cotton brain protests from too much thinking.

I should just take his advice, live a happy-go-lucky life, and be done with it. After I get better, that is. Urgh!!! T_T

Funny, the last time I posted that picture, I was talking about love too. LOL!! I really should make it my motivational love poster or something. Everytime I worry about relationships, I should just stare at it and remind myself to be happy. Haha!!

Alright, will go drink some water and play around online for abit. Ciao~